I've reached that point where I'm second-guessing myself and my ability to get the job done.
It's not that I'm being ungrateful for the work given to me; on the contrary, I'm glad to have been given a lot of opportunities during my first year in the company. Now, there's more stuff being put on my plate and I'm trying my best to be in "challenge accepted" mode.
After one year, however, I still cry myself to sleep or in the shower for days when work gets too tough and I feel I'm stretched too thin. Therefore, I feel the need to think through some things.
I suppose this is what my manager meant when he said I was in a bit of a "regression mode" during the latter half of the previous fiscal year. Essentially, the quality of my output isn't as good as before. That really pains me, because I feel I'm putting more effort in my work but it's still not good enough.
There are so many factors I am tempted to put the blame on (e.g. seemingly unreasonable timelines, being involved in 3 projects simultaneously, etc.), but in the end I still feel that I have no choice but to do my best because that is what is expected of me.
That's what saddens me the most, because that kind of mindset is not the one I want to have. I want to do my best for myself, and the satisfaction that others gain from my work would just be a by-product or something secondary. That mindset seems to deviate from the whole customer-centric ideal, but then again if I don't gain fulfillment from what I'm doing, how sure am I that others would be satisfied with my work?
